Lost at Sea

by Patrick Ng

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released December 3, 2011

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Patrick Ng Toronto, Ontario

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Track Name: Camerie
Camerie, I brought you home to show you off to all my friends.
They all had loved you as I do.
You never argue, never cheat, you sing me drain you when I’m beat.
You know I love you Camerie.

But it’s those heart beat survivalists that keep our loving turning.
It’s those same masked crusaders that I trust.
And it’s those same cautious lyrics that told me there is a better place and time.

We are the ones who come on home, who called you out when all alone.
We are the ones who tuck you in, the quiet demons of all sin.
We are the ones who knew you last, who questioned all that’s come to pass.
We are the letters never read, becoming songs from one boys head.

I’ve brought you all around the world, I showed you off to all the girls.
They all had loved just you and me.
We fought the demons in our hearts, with steel in forms of seventh chords.
We were the masters of this land.
Track Name: Sturton
I am terrified of you, the man you were just once before has shouted his last lion’s roar
To me, a hypocrite of faith
The sky has torn right into two, diffusing through the atmosphere, replacing all the oxygen
I fear, this is all I’ll ever know

But what’s the point of learning how
To steal the wealth from someone young or learning how to speak in tongues?
And now, we have to ask ourselves
Is suffering worth the pennies dropped towards a piece of paper on the wall?
You decide.

I drive my sports car everywhere. I’m cracking smiles left and right, suspended to my maximum height
“I’m loved. I’m happier this way.”
I’ve got my own perfect family.
My wife, 3 kids, my fucking dog, the Lamborghini in the shop
“I’m set. I’ll be happier this way.”
Track Name: While_out_at_Sea
We had all the time to talk things through
Keeping back the blood that our swords drew
In the sands of time where we had lost all our young lives

The stories we had told: they were false
The stories we had cut had no pulse
The stories that we rode deflected our crimes

But we are the symptoms of hate, the bug in your alcohol waiting for death
and we are the sterile injection of all of your lies

But we are all of your time, wasted on lies, wasted on ecstasy that we had made
In your backyard, in your own room, where I had torn up the comics of you
Now looking back, we are the system keeping you quiet while you’re out at sea
“Love is the answer, love is the key!”
Nah! Love is our bullshit, we’ll never be free!

Every time I go out yes I’ll sing songs about pushing out my dreams
T.K., R.C., K.C. yes you know everything about my life, let’s go!

“Let’s do another shot!” How about no.
It’s Tuesday this must be your all time low
Causing trouble is a way of life
“Time to pick up another wife.”
Track Name: Molly May
When I had turned the age of 18 in the fall
I kissed my Molly’s lips goodbye but couldn’t feel at all
“I’m lonely, please write me more.” I’ll try but won’t succeed
At anything, I’m such a fool for leaving you at sea

You are my curse, the strain in my heart, my network of neurons firing on high
You’ll walk away, our break up passé, my Molly May.

So I write, “It’s cold out here, the winter months are tough.”
You said you found another man, you’ll marry soon enough.
Spread thin, my apathy is all I’ve got to love.
And so I’ll count the days go by until enough’s enough.

Your scent lingers on, your petal dress falls, the curves of your body so vivid I cry
You’ll walk away, our break up passé, my Molly May.

So did you fall right onto your knees? Right on top the spot where we made love at ease?
Right under the oak did I see the truth, or was that the blindness that we called our youth?
Now looking back on happier times, to think we were so sure our choices were wise.
The list can go on, the blame set to go, our new born regret buried miles below.
Track Name: Diane
Diane, why were you surprised when he asked for your name?
Skin bathed in light, the moons silhouette making love to your frame.

Spent most your days wishing that his gaze would lay upon yours.
Sweet trembling flesh impatiently waits for the touch you adore.

He’s running his fingers through your hair now, caressing the curves of your body so slight.
Loving the snarl in your smile unseen, defying all rules of attraction. It feels good.

Diane you must feel something!
My heart’s not broken for nothing.
You said, “this aint the time.”

You said you took up cheerleading.
Cut down my deep rooted feeling.
I don’t think I’ll be fine.

These days can be cruel.

Diane, I’ve walked in your shadow for all of these years.
Don’t weep my dear; it pains me to see your eyes all torn up with fear.

Stuck to my conscious mind it digs, creating a neural network of loneliness.
Evading distraction, set plans of action, defying all my coping strategies.
Why is it so hard?
Track Name: Annabelle Pt. 1
From her last breath, Annie called out from her bed
“You are my curse, the bloody red thorn, the only thing God wouldn’t take along.”
And I said, “Shit, was it really that bad? Those nights we spent grand Paris.
Under the stars, keeping you close, telling you secrets I’d never known.”

I had become so far away from you. Took your life away by gunshot when that bullet was meant for two.
Let’s dance the dance that our parents paid in full. Let us shake our money makers and let our youth be all but ruled.

Your laugh was cast away, crucified for all to see.
The way your hair fell made me feel something I hadn’t for so long.
It was quiet but you sung my melody.
Annie said “no, just leave me alone. It’s your turn to live today.”

And so I waited for your final years to pass. Oh your life had all but faded, but your pride remained until the very last
Day, oh the suffering was so great but you kept to close starvation eating nothing but resolve you’d worn away.

I’m coming for you soon, “don’t you bother there’s more to see."
Your trembling hands made me feel something deep inside my hardened heart.
It was silent but you hummed my melody.
Annie sighed, “yes, she’s just taking a rest.” The doctor had said to me.

From her last breath, Annie called out from her bed
“You are my pride, the joy I once had, the playful regret coming now to pass.”
And I cried hard to a God I once knew, under the stars of Bethlehem.
I’m aching inside, something I can’t hide. I really wish he’d taken me instead.

But life goes on.
Track Name: Annabelle Pt. 2
You think I’m funny but you don’t think I am grand.
I gave you reason, gave you power, yet you flaunt your devil’s seed.

Whisper, whisper, don’t make a sound!
The time has passed and now I’m digging your new grave.

“Baby I’ve been such a fool.”
You missed my birthday, you are cruel.
“I’ve come to stand on my two feet.”
So let me break you by the knees.

I’ve learnt to fight all of my wars; I draw my strength from my own needs.
The student rises past mentor; the pawn will now checkmate the king.

My mind is racing as I scribble down some words that will have no meaning.
At least I’ve done something that triumphs over what you’ve called your ‘late night appointments’.

“Honey I’ve cooked your favourite meal!”
Well then go feed it to the dogs.
“I’m leaving you! Go fuck yourself!”
I’d rather me than you at all.

I’m living stronger on my own, seizing life now day by day.
Carving words into my throne while shouting, “odi et amo!”

I’ve sailed these seas for far too long, oh yes I know.
My home is now gone, the girl I once had has taken my soul to the depths unknown.
And now I long for the life I once had, before my day in ’92.
Back in the womb where nothing hurt me.
Dreaming the life of legacy.

Where did I go wrong?

Fin.